What.A.Horrible.Movie. Continuing to watch horror movies is like staying in an abusive relationship and thinking that things will get better. Hint: It likely won’t. And yet we continue to torture ourselves time and time again with that hope. I need to get serious help, as I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t watch trailers. I don’t go to any Reddit threads that talks about the movie. I try to not even care of who are the casts. I care even less about the producer and director. Movie budget? Don’t care. Hell, I didn’t even care that this was based on Stephen King’s novel because I didn’t read it. And yet, here I am. Salem’s Lot. What a disaster of a movie this is! I hope the cast members had a fun time making the movie, because I sure as shit didn’t watching it.

It took almost a full 40 minutes for the damn plot to actually pick up pace and get going before the main cast talks about, you know, VAMPIRES, the whole frigging point of the movie. For a full 40 minutes, they try to cram in a backstory for Ben Mears to help prop him up so that the audience can hopefully give a shit about him. Hint, in the end: we don’t. He is utterly devoid of character, emotions and entirely forgettable the moment the credits roll. In fact, all that time wasted on his “backstory” doesn’t even matter at all throughout the movie.

Barlow? Don’t think I forgot about your ass. That’s what we’re naming killer vampires now? Friggin Barlow? We somehow went from something as cool sounding as Nosferatu to….Barlow? That’s really the best they could come up with?! 😂 For a movie that’s almost two hours in run time, Barlow shows up on screen for what, three to four times at most? They wasted so much time on Ben in the beginning instead of spending time propping up, you know, the main FRIGGIN VAMPIRE OF WHICH THE MOVIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT! While the acting is subpar, the dialogue at times is even below that.

Oh, and if I wanted to watch kids fight vampires, I’d much rather re-watch Vampires vs. the Bronx instead of this POS of a movie. I’ve had my ups and downs with Stephen King. Some of his work I’ve enjoyed tremendously, and yet many others, especially some of his more recent and modern novels, gave me headaches and migraines reading them. Clearly, the original movie couldn’t have been this horrible?