And……the stupidest-and-most-boring-but-you’re-not-supposed-to-complain-about-it-because-it’s-supposed-to-be-a-fun-and-lighthearted-movie I’ve watched in 2025 goes to The Monkey. I’m starting to believe that anything Stephen King touches within the past decade or so is just not for me and that includes his novels. The Salem’s Lot remake was just pure putrid bile. Fairy Tale I couldn’t even bring myself to finish even though I powered through to 60%. And Holly was pretty much the straw that broke the camel’s back. As the writer for The Monkey, I just knew deep down there was something weird about the film that reminded me of that feeling when I watched the Salem’s Lot remake. It was uninspiring, low energy and just plain boring.

Alright dude, yes, calm down and relax. The movie is literally about a killer toy monkey. What could I have expected? So the director is Osgood Perkins. A quick search and it turns out he’s also the director of Longlegs, which was average. NOPE, which was pretty dope at first but forgettable over the long run. Legally Blonde, which obviously is a classic. But the most surprising to me is The Blackcoat’s Daughter. From what I remembered, it was a really good movie. It would seem like his movies are either a hit or miss with me. At the end of the movie, I literally asked myself what exactly is the point of this? And maybe that was the actual point. Throughout the movie, the mom (Tatiana Maslany, is that really you?! The Tatiana Maslany from Orphan Black?!) constantly drilled into her two sons that nothing matters. Everyone dies in the end. Some go peacefully while others die a gruesome death. Nothing matters. Nihilism, anyone?

Let’s not forget the killer monkey. It feels like Final Destination but instead of an unseen grim reaper, we get a killer monkey that picks its victims randomly. Do audiences still find forced gruesome ways for a person to die on-screen fascinating? Yes, it’s comedy horror, so maybe my age is showing again. Some of the deaths weren’t even that creative. The intestine one was pretty cool. Poor Uncle Chip’s death trample I found surprisingly funny. But that was about it.

I did find something strange in the cheerleaders’ cheering scene. What did it signify? It happened after Aunt Ida’s death, at the very end of the movie. Are they implying that audiences today are insensitive to death and actually cheer for it to bring some excitement into their lives? I guess it can be assumed that people are just attracted to death. We can’t look away. So, what can I make of The Monkey? Not much, to be honest. A perfect horror but “fun” movie that combines a bit of comedy along with a bit of everything else to my liking would be Smile 2. The Monkey was not a fun movie overall; more like it has some fun parts to it. Can this movie turn into a cult classic? Maybe? Anything is possible, I guess. But count me out as being a member.